It’s been a few days and a lot has happened.

Friday I wore a tie. I don’t wear ties very often. When I do it makes me feel adult, grown up … even with my shaggy hair and dark-rimmed glasses. I feel like a productive member of society when I wear a tie. However, my reasons for wearing a tie weren’t my favorite. See, a family friend passed away on Monday after a very grueling battle with cancer. It hadn’t even been a full year since the on set of melanoma and here we were celebrating her life.

And, that is truly what it was: A celebration of this wonderful woman that knew no stranger. She loved. “Hilarious and Intense” were the words used by the pastor giving the message during the ceremony. So true. But, the most impressive moments were held by the family. Her husband, a former missionary through Student Venture, stood and said, “Here’s the ‘Good News,’ GOD loves you so stinkin’ much you don’t even know it” and then proceeded to share Christ’s love and sacrifice for us. Her four beautiful daughters stood together and read a letter they had written to their mom thanking, grieving, and promising. Two of them led us in worship to Kim Walker’s version of John Mark McMillan’s “How He Loves Us”. It was outstanding. She wanted GOD’s story and love for everyone shared. It was beautiful.

Then in classic over-processing fashion I let myself get wrapped up in the details of Sunday worship and took my focus off the GOD that shines His glory into every breath I take. Every moment is marked a gift. And, here I am sinking in the distraction I caused for myself. How often we do this. How often we forget “the only measuring tool to measure “worship” on Sunday mornings is the level of surrender in your heart. Not experience & feeling.” This is a regular battle for me.

Over the last week, I’ve been in multiple personality testing situations. All them point back to the same thing. I’m an artistic, out-going, laid-back, perfectionist, detail oriented, change-for-the-sake-of-change, people-pleaser that hates details… also known as a walking contradiction. And this morning, after beating myself up for the last day, I find myself ridiculously embarrassed at and convicted of my emotion.

But…

“So heaven meets earth
Like a sloppy wet kiss,
And my heart turns violently
Inside of my chest.
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets
When I think about the way…
He loves us.”             – John Mark McMillan

And, thank GOD for that.